The Western idea of courtship and Dating is very different from what most Russian ladies and their families practice in pursuit of marriage. In fact, in many cases "dating" as understood in the West is really non-existent in the East.
To my mind, men would fare much better if they dropped many "dating" preconceptions and studied/practiced more about courtship and adapted that to the shorter time frames necessary for an international marriage. That term by the way, is much more accurate that "mail order bride" because if you marry, the challenges and joys which await you will be from the result of an "international marriage."
So how do Russian women see this process:
- Power. A Russian woman knows that she is a woman and is very proud of that. It is her strength. She is not weak in being a woman. It is her power.
- This gives her the right to have certain expectations in how a man approaches and views her. It will guide how he must treat her and her parents.
- She will allure, but not pursue. She doesn't need to actively pursue a man. She needs to be herself and the man with the plan of action to win her heart.....will win her heart.
- Men can't be shy or they will lose. She is looking for boldness and confidence. Don't confuse this with bravado or brash overconfidence. Think of cool and calm confidence and determination.
- Most (the kind you want to marry) don’t initiate phone calls nor ask a man out for a "date." If you can't muster up enough nerve to do this she will wonder what else in life you will be afraid to face.
- She will spend a large amount of time and resources looking her absolute best. She expects you to take notice and take action. Those who hesitate will go thru life without a princess.
- Speaking of "princess", her Papa treats her like one and has taught her that she must select only a man who will do the same. Don't mistake this with spending money or buying her things. She is not for sale. She wants to be treated with honour and respect on the ordinary days, not just when courting or on holidays. Can you make her FEEL (has nothing to do with $) like she is on holiday on ordinary days?
- You must have the attitude that she is the only woman in existence (just ask any married guy!). But you need to understand what this means and how it came about: In recent (very recent) times a young man would flirt with a girl and at some point she would suggest to him that he should visit her parents. The young man would ask Papa (sometimes via an older representative) for permission to court this young lady. If Papa (and Mama) said yes, then a period of time began where he would spend a lot of time with her in full view of her family (home visits, walks in the park, church, going with them to the market, etc).
Over time Papa and the young man would begin to talk about life and how it will look in the future. Advantage young man: If he stays the course over time, and the girl and her family like him, he will win the girl with no outside competition. Done deal. Why so easy? Because Papa and the lady had agreed that this would be the only young man in consideration until he was eliminated as a possibility or until the wedding.
Her mindset during courtship is that she is the only woman in your world.
That should clue you in to how most of these ladies view a "plan B."
Is this really done in Russia today? Sure, it's not universal (nothing is), but not only is it how I was coached to win my wife, but it's being practiced today as we speak with two of our three daughters, of which the oldest (age 26) will be married in an Orthodox ceremony in less than 3 weeks. And we are not alone.
- She will test you, but don't mistake that as desire for a "sugar daddy." She tests to guage your determination and sincerity. In a courtship model she has the right to reject (as can Papa/Mama) a suitor at any time and move on to someone deemed more appropiate or more serious.
Note: She will test you in many ways but never using another guy as the test. If a woman were to use another guy to test you, run like crazy. She is the one not being serious.
- Have you ever heard the expression that she is looking for a REAL man or for a REAL meeting. Once you have indicated a desire to court her, you need to be in a position to move forward. Don't appear to her as if you are "fishing" because that is not what courtship is about. You need to understand that courtship in itself is a sign of committment. Either you want her in your life or you don't (far, far different from our Western concept of using "dating" to test compability!).
- In fact she looking more for CHARACTER than for compability. Life changes people's habits and circumstances (compability) but character and the ability to maintain stability and focus thru those changes does not change. In investment lingo, she is a "long term investor."
- This has very little to do with sexual attraction. That is why she will reserve the right to court a man not as "handsome" as others. Of course she wants someone she can look at with respect and not be repulsed, but you don't have to be a "Don Juan" to win her heart. You need to be capable, determined and sincere.
- Maintaining her composure at all costs means everything to a Russian Woman so your job is to give them that opportunity. It means walking on the outside of the sidewalk to protect her from traffic, offering your arm as she steps off the bus, opening doors, help her with a chair, taking her coat, etc. If you are not a social gentleman, you may not get very far with a RW.
- Family is very important to her final decision. Don't ever make the mistake of underestimating this power. If you have courted her mother and father, invested time in her extended family, and gained the respect of her friends, you can almost assume that her heart will follow you. Its the safest bet one can make with a Russian lady.